57

Song: Only in Dreams
Artist: Weezer
Memory Age: 19
Current Age: 32

I was 19, and just out of a rebound relationship following a much longer “1st love” relationship. The rebound was a total jerk, and I wasn’t really wanting to get involved with anyone else at the moment. I was also having to drop out of the college I was attending at the time, had lost my wallet with a lot of money and personal info in it… just a shitty time in general. I was fairly depressed.

I was working part time at the local mall, and randomly started to hang out with an old acquaintance. He started visiting me up at school, spending almost every day with me during the month following the jerk/rebound breakup episode. I wasn’t thinking about a serious relationship at all, but flirting wasn’t off limits, either.

My friend was charming and very sweet. He was very funny and great in conversation. We spent many nights and early mornings in my dorm room talking about everything, smoking several packs of cigarettes like chimneys, sharing bags of potato chips with cans of horrible French Onion Dip while music videos played in the background on MTV2… but I just wasn’t ready to get into another relationship. Nothing serious, anyway.

We continued to hang out a lot. He asked me to “go steady” a few times, and I repeatedly expressed my nervousness about serious commitment. But we kept hanging out. Kept talking from dusk until dawn. Until one day in December – we were hanging out in my bedroom at home. I had already left college (he had helped me pack up and move like the wonderful guy he was). We were laying on my double brass bed, ugly pink rose comforter underneath us, my light lavender walls plastered with magazine clippings, my parents’ cats visiting us periodically. My stereo was sitting on an old wooden toy chest with little Dutch or possibly German looking geometric illustrations of a boy and girl painted faintly on it. We listened to several albums that night, I think… but the one that I remember was Weezer’s Blue album. At some point, it ended up being played on repeat, and, in general, became background noise. And we talked, and talked, and talked…

And then it happened – he finally melted the wall of uncertainty I had built up from my crappy relationship experiences. We laid together on my bed in the ambient blue light of dawn, kissing and taking in each other’s body features, and made things between us “official”. Everything was crystalized and glistening outside from the previous evening’s snow-rain which had turned to ice. And “Only in Dreams” was playing.

It never fails – this song brings it all back for me. And we’ve been together ever since.

 

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